Finding Home Through Poetry by Najwa Zebian.
“The biggest mistake that we make is that we build our homes in other people” ~Najwa Zebian.
This is my story of how words of a stranger can leave a mark on our soul, forever changed us. In this case, her words changed me to become better. I saw Najwa Zebian’s video a while ago on Instagram, and the first time I saw it, her words spoke to me immediately. Ever since I made a vow to write more (and if possible, daily), I knew that I would go back to her words again and blog it. The talk is about finding “home,” but not home as a ‘building’ or a house. It’s about finding our emotional home, a spiritual one.
I had to think hard about the true meaning of “building homes in other people” by connecting them into my own journey. I had to ask myself hard questions,
“Why do I keep on failing in relationship? Where in that relationship when I started to go down the wrong path, made a wrong turn, and then got lost? What were my expectations, and because I kept on failing, were my expectations always wrong then this whole time?”
Home. I keep going back to that word too.
“Have I been building homes in wrong places? If I am not supposed to build it in other people, where should I be building it?”
When I watched that video for the first time, I already knew the answer of where to build it. Mawlana Jawaharlal Rumi put it so well when he said (translated into English): “I searched for God and found only myself. I searched for myself and found only God.” God and I have never been separated throughout my life. I just pushed Him away many many times when I failed to build my home in Him. I should have built my first home there a long time ago. Better late than never reached this point.
Building my home in God is something that I continue to do. In that case, I should probably ask myself whether I am done then? I did, and I thought the answer was yes, but I still found myself still tripping over stones, falling down on my face. If building home in God is enough, then why I still got lost?
I think my work with God will not be enough if I, myself, have not put a lot of thought and effort to harvest the fruit of my faith. In other words, I have to build a home inside of me too — me as my home — in order to complete my home. Mind you, this part is the tough one. Several questions came to me, and they are not easy to answer.
- Can I be comfortable in my own skin, with all of me? Strengths and fragility?
- Can I rely on myself to make me stronger? Be my own cheerleader in times of strain, with God as my support?
- Can I love myself that much? Love me enough so that I can call my “inner self” as home? Love me enough so that I can feel happy and comfortable when I am alone?
- Can I forgive myself, especially after what I’ve done…to him? To them in the past?
These are all questions that I have to contemplate, on my own, in my own time, at my own pace. I need not hurry in doing it, just as along as I do it. Thank you, Najwa, for opening my eyes. It’s my task now too find my own way home.