A Secret Home

moon_over_the_ocean_by_samathana76-d5ozsv4

Image is titled Moon Over the Ocean by shamatana76 from Deviant Art

when shadow leaves your side
let silence keep you company,
let water be witness,
wind carry your anguish

tell the moon your secret
let it carry your pain
for it knows no ending,
only possibilities

behind that yellow glow
lay many lost souls
whenever you alone
look far beyond the storm

amidst the veil
a faceless sanctuary

*****

Day 3 Everyday Inspiration Challenge

Finding Home with Najwa Zebian’s Words

Finding Home Through Poetry by Najwa Zebian.

“The biggest mistake that we make is that we build our homes in other people” ~Najwa Zebian.

This is my story of how words of a stranger can leave a mark on our soul, forever changed us. In this case, her words changed me to become better. I saw Najwa Zebian’s video a while ago on Instagram, and the first time I saw it, her words spoke to me immediately. Ever since I made a vow to write more (and if possible, daily), I knew that I would go back to her words again and blog it. The talk is about finding “home,” but not home as a ‘building’ or a house. It’s about finding our emotional home, a spiritual one.

I had to think hard about the true meaning of “building homes in other people” by connecting them into my own journey. I had to ask myself hard questions,

“Why do I keep on failing in relationship? Where in that relationship when I started to go down the wrong path, made a wrong turn, and then got lost? What were my expectations, and because I kept on failing, were my expectations always wrong then this whole time?”

Home. I keep going back to that word too.

“Have I been building homes in wrong places? If I am not supposed to build it in other people, where should I be building it?”

When I watched that video for the first time, I already knew the answer of where to build it. Mawlana Jawaharlal Rumi put it so well when he said (translated into English): “I searched for God and found only myself. I searched for myself and found only God.” God and I have never been separated throughout my life. I just pushed Him away many many times when I failed to build my home in Him. I should have built my first home there a long time ago. Better late than never reached this point.

Building my home in God is something that I continue to do. In that case, I should probably ask myself whether I am done then? I did, and I thought the answer was yes, but I still found myself still tripping over stones, falling down on my face. If building home in God is enough, then why I still got lost?

I think my work with God will not be enough if I, myself, have not put a lot of thought and effort to harvest the fruit of my faith. In other words, I have to build a home inside of me too —  me as my home —  in order to complete my home. Mind you, this part is the tough one. Several questions came to me, and they are not easy to answer.

  • Can I be comfortable in my own skin, with all of me? Strengths and fragility?

 

  • Can I rely on myself to make me stronger? Be my own cheerleader in times of strain, with God as my support?

 

  • Can I love myself that much? Love me enough so that I can call my “inner self” as home? Love me enough so that I can feel happy and comfortable when I am alone?

 

  • Can I forgive myself, especially after what I’ve done…to him? To them in the past?

 

These are all questions that I have to contemplate, on my own, in my own time, at my own pace. I need not hurry in doing it, just as along as I do it. Thank you, Najwa, for opening my eyes. It’s my task now too find my own way home.

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