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“It’s not a matter of letting go — you would if you could. Instead of “Let it go” we should probably say “Let it be.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn.
What can I write after a 17-hour work day? Yes, you read it right. It’s one of those days. So then I went back into my previous Instagram postings and a quote caught my attention. It’s the quote above, about Let it go and Let it be.
It says basically that let it be is better than let it go. Well, I did both. I tried to do the let-it-be thing. Not working. So I did my best. I let go. And in that process of letting go, I think I learn to let it be.
The difference between let it go and let it be is actually very subtle. My take up on the difference is that to let it go means to have it done, finish, whereas to let it be doesn’t always mean that it is over. At the end of last week, I did a let-it-go. I took a decision to end a relationship. I did it once (or maybe more than once) before, and I regretted it. The relationship has been rocky, gone through many trials, challenges. But this time around, I didn’t regret it. I took it that it was for the best because I had truly completely felt lost, confused, trapped against a wall and could not go anywhere unless I did something drastic. I felt like I was going mad. I had to do something, and because I felt trapped , I could only did the one thing that came to my mind: I forced myself to break free. So I let go. It hurt so much on that day, it hurt the next day, and the day after, and continues.
But as the day goes on, I discover that the pain subsides. I realize that the anger, the blaming, the feeling sorry for my self, are slowly decreasing, getting lighter. It is possible too that my heavy schedule for the past few days are helping because it takes my mind away from my pain. But whatever it is that is helping me, I am thankful. It could also be that discovering yesterday about my friend who is having a difficult time has made me realize of how fortunate I am. I have plenty to be thankful for.
Like I said earlier, I think in the process of letting go, I found the path to let it be. Instead of surrendering to the idea of wanting to go back to the relationship and reaching out to him, I instead tried to let it be. Just let it be. Just let time takes care of it. Let God take control. I learn to leave it to Him. There’s no hurry. In this process of learning, I then remember another quote.
I don’t know what will happen in the future, but I give up on trying to think about it because it may invite pain to arrive at the door again. And also, because right now, my brain is quite tired. So good night, good day, world. I bid you adieu for now. Until tomorrow.
Don’t judge the depth of a river
by the amount of ripples it
has on the surface
Don’t judge a woman by
her looks, her decision
or chosen words
Don’t say things
you’re not meant
from your heart
For sorry is only a delayed regret
and when it comes
there’s no stopping it
A poem that was inspired by Maya Angelou’s quote and was originally published in January 2016.